he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
