I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
