I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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