Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
