my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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