hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
