Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
