he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
