Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
