Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
