Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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