If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
