Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Alive.
So much puke
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize