dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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