What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
