nut hugger
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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