Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize