you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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