I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
