I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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