Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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