I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize