Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
