This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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