i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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