dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
