Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
