the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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