Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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