He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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