Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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