Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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