she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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