i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I didn't notice because vodka
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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