I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
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