Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
