Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am spending my child support on dildos
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
