i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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