i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
