the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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