i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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