I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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