Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
