When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
