i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
