Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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