Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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