for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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