2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
