Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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