i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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