Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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