My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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