if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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