I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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