hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
