We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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