i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you didnt know i had herpes?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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