So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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