just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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