All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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