You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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