Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
