Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
