I will die if light touches me.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
