I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
