youre lurking in front of me
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
