the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
