Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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